Moments of Clarity

I have a few moments that I remember almost perfectly - right down to what I was wearing, saying, thinking...Moments that changed my life. Yes, this includes my wedding (though I remember less about this than I would like), the births of my kids, etc. But I've been thinking about one in particular a lot lately. I've never shared it with anyone. I was alone when it happened and there never seemed to be any reason. It was all about me at any rate. But I think I need to share it now, particularly with my husband.

Just over 5 years ago, November 4, 2003, my mother passed away after a very long (25 years) and hard fought battle with multiple myeloma. A couple of months later, I was driving out to lunch from my old office building. To Subway. I don't remember the exact date, but I know it was sometime after Christmas, but still in January. We had just found out we were having our 2nd child, but hadn't started telling anyone because I hadn't been to the doctor yet. We had all grieved, but her death was expected and she had lived longer than anyone thought she would. Both my sister & I were married, I had one child, my husband & I had moved back to my hometown just over a year before. In part, because I wanted to be there and in part so our child would get to spend a lot of time with his Oma. He was only 3, but I hear him sometimes telling his little brother who she is.

We had all gotten back into our routine, work, school, church, etc. And I was going out to lunch. It wasn't a long drive, but it struck me then that there are three places in this world a person can be: Where you want to be, where you need to be and where you are. And I realized that I was in all three places at once. It's what I had been searching for.

When I was in college, it was where I needed to be, but I wanted to move on. When I was in Smyrna, I never wanted to be there. It was only home because Glenn was there. But, it was where I needed to be and where I was. Even when we moved back to Hendersonville, I didn't realize that was where I needed to be until that moment. My mom needed to spend a lot of time with us, with my son and he needed to spend that time with her. I wanted to be home, I always had. And I was there.

It was at that point that I knew I was going to be okay without her. I hadn't been dwelling on my grief, but a weight lifted all the same. I know that I was only grieving for myself, my sister, my dad, my child, etc. Not for her. I realized at that moment that I was 31, the same age she was when she was diagnosed and that I needed to live like she had. Enjoying life, but never scared of dying. Knowing there was something better. And that I needed to make sure that I lived a life that meant I could join her when the time came.

I'm sorry that it took me 31 years to get there. I'm sorry that I don't remember that I'm still there often enough. I'm sorry that my husband is grieving for his mother. I need to share this with him, because he was there for me at every turn. Taking the children when I needed to be alone, ignoring Mother's Day because I just couldn't take it, making sure every birthday I've had since has been special (she was buried on my birthday). It's time that I let him know that it's going to be okay. That he can survive without her, even though he doesn't want to have to.

Always remember that life is shorter than you want it to be. Love those close to you, enjoy living, make the right choices, let people know how you feel about them. Live, Laugh, Love.

WE WON!!!!

I realize this is late, but I was trying to enjoy my holidays (more on that later).

WE WON!!!!

http://vucommodores.cstv.com/sports/m-footbl/spec-rel/010109aab.html

We haven't been to a bowl game in 26 years and haven't won one in more than 50!!!

Yes, it was ugly - but it's still a W!

WOO-HOO!!!

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone enjoys their holiday as much as I intend to.

Merry Christmas!

Music City Bowl

OH OH WOW!!!!

We made it! Trust me this is a big deal. It's the first time in 26 years. I remember it - I was 10. Not too much older than my oldest son is now.

I remember when Nashville got a bowl. It was all very exciting. While Nashville will always be more famous for the music, we are becoming quite a sports town: The Predators, Titans, Music City Bowl, Women's Final Four.

I always knew the streak would end. We would go to a bowl. But I never dreamed it would be the Music City Bowl. The point of the bowl system is so more teams can participate. Teams travel, the fans travel. The point of having a bowl in your city is for the money. Not just the game money, but the hotels, restaurants, tourist traps all make money. The city, county and state make tax money. So, why on earth would the Music City Bowl want Vanderbilt?!

But they're here. Playing Boston College. The team is treating it as if they are going across the country. Participating in all the events, staying in the hotel. I'm sure parents and family members of the participants will be here. And you know BC will have fans travel also. The university is encouraging all of it's fans to treat this as an out of town event as well. Apparently, Vanderbilt lobbied hard to get into this game. And Kentucky has been here a few times already. So, they're headed to Memphis and the Liberty Bowl and Vanderbilt is playing here! In the MUSIC CITY BOWL!

I'm planning on going! I can't believe it!!! A BOWL GAME! IN NASHVILLE!!!

OH OH WOW!!!!

Global Warming?

Not here. It's barely 40 today but "feels like" 33. It's been in the 20s & 30s all week. It has been in the 30s & 40s for most of November. The cold is here early this year.

I'm just not buying the global warming arguments right now.

A Time for Thanksgiving

There is a lot going on to be worried about in this country. I understand that. But Thursday is Thanksgiving here. So, I thought it would do me some good to make a list of all the things I'm thankful for...(I believe in being specific, so it's not your standard list)

• I'm thankful that I was born in the USA. Particularly in the Southern US. This is truly the best country in the world - even with all of our problems. We have freedom to speak and worship as we please. I love the south. I would never live anywhere else. We have seasons here, mountains, lakes, cities, country areas. If Tennessee had a beach, it would be a perfect state.
• I'm thankful that my dad quit his job in east Tennessee (30 years ago) because he wanted to be back in Nashville. Even though I don't think my mom spoke to him for several months. Not only is the city a great place to be, being in the same city as Vanderbilt Hospital saved my mom's life all those years ago.
• I'm thankful for Vanderbilt Hospital. I'm convinced that, second only to prayer, they kept my mother alive for 25 years. They are caring and understanding. Honest, but gentle. They treat patients and families with respect. I've taken my son to the ER and he's had eye surgery there. And I have never had a bad experience with that hospital or any of its employees.
• I'm thankful that my boss (at one of my summer jobs in college) found out through the grapevine I had broken up with my boyfriend. And that she walked in one day and announced to my entire office how sorry she was, even though at the time I was mortified. And I'm thankful those co-workers decided I couldn't spend the summer alone and decided to fix me up with Glenn. It's the only time I was fixed-up and it's worked out pretty well.
• I'm thankful that I have boys. I joke that I prayed for patience and God gave me boys. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't know what in the world I would do with girls anyway.
• I'm thankful my little one won't sleep in his own bed right now. He sleeps with his brother. I hear Garrett reading to Colby. I hear them say "Goodnight" and "I love you" and lay in bed & giggle.
• I'm thankful for the Cub Scouts. Let me tell you, this is the best organization for boys I have ever seen. They teach respect, loyalty, reverence, self-reliance, kindness, etc. I'm proud to be involved with them.
• I'm thankful for my job. Though I wish I didn't have one, I'm happy with the one I've got. I'm thankful for its flexibility, its generousity, its paycheck.
• I'm thankful for my neighborhood and neighbors. I live in a six-house circle and I may never move! It's amazing how much alike we all are and how much we get along. These people are my extended family.
• I'm thankful for the elementary school. It's almost directly across the street from my backyard. We have never been disappointed in any of the teachers. The parents are extremely active in the school and it is one of the best in the county.
• I'm thankful to be a Christian. I'm thankful for my church family. I'm thankful that I can go anywhere in the country and feel at home in worship service.
• I'm thankful for Freed-Hardeman. No, I did not meet my husband there. But I got my education there. I lived there for 4 years. No, Henderson isn't my favorite town - I'm more of a city-girl. But it gave me a chance to be away from home. To learn to be responsible. To make friends that I will always have.
• I'm thankful that almost 7 years ago when I announced it was time to move, my husband didn't blink. I know he would have been happy to stay in Smyrna forever. He knew I wouldn't. He knew I wanted to be closer to my parents - especially my mom. He knew I wanted our child (the only one we had at the time) to spend a lot of time with her. So, we moved.
• I'm thankful for Dave Ramsey. I found his show in graduate school and have never looked back. We've been debt free (except for the house) for just over 8 years. It gives us a peace of mind that a lot of people don't have.

This is in no way complete; there is so much more. I may have more tomorrow, who knows. My point is, we should always be thankful for what we have - especially in tough times.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

BOWL ELIGIBLE!!!!

For the first time since 1982!!!!!!

http://vucommodores.cstv.com/sports/m-footbl/recaps/111508aaa.html

I have nothing more to say...